well its been a while since me last entry  so let me fill you all in..... no to long  let me sum up. I think i have figured out my dad after talkin to family members, he is emotionally shut down so i am going to ignore the bullshit and try not to add to it, ill just have to keep tabs on them.  my little sister layla turned one  she is so cute,  i turned 21  i was so drunk, and school has started.  i am taking a light load this semester with hopes that i will be able to get my trumpet playing to the level that i need to be at. i am in a house with some brothers and it is fuckin awsome, i live in clayton now and maybe for a while. my buddy ben has come back to school and is actually my roommate once again.  nothing else really new is going on, i watched that movie big fish today and i cryed  it was a very good movie. now i am gonna go downstairs and practice

Peace Out

Breece

today was crazy   absolutely nothing that i had to do or did. i called out of my class today  i was actually supposed to take a test but i was so emotionally trashed.  the funniest part is what sparked it. i was watching home improvement  the tv show with tim the tool man taylor. i just started to cry. just the way he treated his kids in the show. why cant my father express emotion   why the fuck hasnt he tried talking to me. i give up tryin to talk to him  he didnt even invite me to my sisters  birthday party. i know it doesnt sound like a big deal but it really hurt me. what did i do to get him to avoid me like that. i couldnt do anything today.. anything that even reminded  me of my dad or even just the metioning of dad or father  i broke down.  i was listenin to a beach boys song  till daddy took the t-bird away  i had to stop my car i just broke down   the only thing that made me happy was thinkin about this new person that may or maynot be a big part in my life.  we have met once and we seem interested in each other. i called her to see if she was free tonight cause i didnt have to work. but she was busy  it was cool i really wanna see her again  but then another song  got to me. now i am sitting here tryin to let it out  i am listening to Bon Jovi These Days  it is my depressing album. it lets me drain the saddness.  i fucking hate being sad. i am not supposed to be sad i am Breece. i am supposed to be happy and help other people out when they are sad  but i am loosing touch with that. why is this killing me? i am at the point now where i just want him to disown me and get the fuck out of my life. but i dont want that. i need something  i dont wanna sit here wondering what the fuck he wants but he doesnt call me.   well i amm gonna sit here  listen to my sad music and eat some ice cream. i  just want Breece back to normal. that previous statement made me stop cryin   i referred to myself in a different person. i am out now. oh and to everyone who offers to help or talk to  thank you just post comments  the one thing i hate more than being sad is bringing people down with me. if the people around me arent happy i cant be happy. please be happy and have fun because that is what life is for. if you cant enjoy it your doing something wrong. and right now i need to figure out what i am doing wrong have a good night.

Breece-----

ok so its been a while since i've written in this damned thing so anywho   update i am taking summer courses and doin better than i have been in them  it is my aural theory and written  written i have no problem with  but aural is my weakness but i am gettin better. this past weekend kinda sucked. i think i am going to give up on tryin to have any type of relationship with my dad. i was tryin to call him from about a week before fathers day through this past saturday. for a few reasons  one is my cell phone was damaged and i needed to get a replacement but was unable to do so without his say so. another reason was to wish him a happy fathers day.  i still have not gotten in touch with him. so on saturday i was with my mom and step dad and they finally said that it was ridiculous so they put me on there plan and got me a new number. that wasnt the worst part. the worst part was that when i was calling people to give my new number to i was talkin to my grand mom and she had said that she had just gotten back from my little sisters birthday party. my little sister and i share the same father. I was PISSED i didnt even get a fucking invite to my little sisters b-day. i really dont give a shit about how my dad and myself are but i do care about keepin in touch with my little sisters. but it seems as though this will be a struggle. but then my weekend ended on a good note. sunday night i went to the tail end of a friends grad party and saw some buddies i havent seen in a while even one friend visitin from sweden  she is awsome i missed her so much. and then monday  nothing really happened and the tuesday i went rollerskating and was kinda set up by some friends. i dont like to use names in here so bleh. but the girl is pretty cute and funny. i can not function with people if they dont have a sense of humor. we seemed to get along. and we seemed to talk more than skate. i felt bad for her friends though cause the old men were hittin on them. it was kinda funny. but yea hopefully i will be able to talk to her tomorrow cause i will be away today. we swaped AIM sn's but then again she could give me a call on my cell cause its in me profile. I have no clue it ths will be anything. it could be i dont see any problems, but worst comes to worst i have just made a cute friend. i feel happy now and life is turning out pretty good now. a good end to a shitty weekend. anywho i think i am done writing  and if you actually read all of this  wow i just write this to let off some steam. get a life    just jokin its all good. this is as close you will prolly get to gettin into my thoughts.

Peace Out

Breece

well i talked to my dad for the first time since i blew up at him.... it was a ok.... i dont feel bad and he was himself  so i think things will be cool.... he is moving closer to my area and i hope this means that i can visit more often when i feel like it... this should be an awsome thing... i know my dad is lookin out for me and i appriciate it... he is just not as fit with sharing emotion as i am... this is cool cause that is who he is and i dont want that to change.... life is good.... on another topic i just got a notice in the mail.... i have been summoned for jury duty.... ha.... stupid criminals.... ha ha ha ..... first thing that popped into my mind was Ernest goes to Jail... ha 

Peace Out all